Living Life Line By Line

Third grade is no joke. It’s the real deal, where the rubber meets the road and lessons start to get tough. Third grade means multiplication tables and cursive writing, and for Reeves, it has meant the dreaded Reader’s Notebook.

In the simplest terms, Reader’s Notebook requires Reeves to read a few chapters in a book and then write a full page entry about what he read.

What we figured out early on was that Reeves could tell us every single thing that happened in the story. He could make predictions and connections and all the other English-y things teachers look for, but getting all that down on paper was a completely different story. When he saw that blank sheet of paper staring up at him, he froze. It was paralyzing for him to think he had to fill it up.

A counselor taught us a strategy to help Reeves. She suggested he use a blank sheet of typing paper to cover up everything but the first line of the notebook paper. Once he’s written on that first line, he moves the typing paper down so he can see the second line and fills it up. Reeves continues this revealing process line by line until he has, indeed, written his entry on the entire sheet of paper.

This new method works like a charm. Now that Reeves only has one little space to focus on instead of a whole sheet of paper, his anxiety disappears. He knows he can handle one line at a time.

Lately, I find myself thinking of this strategy a lot because I know exactly what Reeves has been feeling.

Three years ago, Brooks was diagnosed with Apraxia of Speech, and even though I still can’t tell you exactly what it is, I can tell you he struggles with communication, and that struggle often leads to frustration and aggression because he knows exactly what he’s trying to say, but he has trouble getting the words out.

The other thing I know about Apraxia is that there’s no set timeline for treatment. Some kids work through their speech difficulties in elementary school. Others overcome them in middle school. And still others deal with them their entire lives.

Not having an end in sight is terrifying.

When I look too far ahead, I feel just like Reeves does when he stares at a blank sheet of paper. It just seems so vast, and I don’t have any idea how the story is going to go.

I start filling in that blank page of Brooks’ future with all sorts of worries—Will he need to go to a special school? Will he go to college? Hold down a job? Get married? I mean, you name it, I’ve worried about it.

It’s overwhelming and daunting to have so many unknowns.

I’ve worked really hard since January to change my focus, to use my own cover sheet to zero-in on the week ahead and not think about years from now. I remind myself to celebrate the growth we see at therapy each session. I remember to be thankful for the tremendous therapists we have worked with. I try to take joy in the crazy words Brooks actually can say, like, oddly enough, the name of every dinosaur that ever roamed the earth.

Does it always work? Nope—absolutely not. But I’m giving myself grace and focusing on progress over perfection for myself and for Brooks. What I have to remember is today is doable. One day at a time. One word at a time. One prayer at a time.

I don’t know what challenge you’re facing, friend. It could be related to your work, your health, your relationships, or your children. But I do know that God doesn’t want us to think too far ahead. He wants us to trust that He will provide what we need for today and that it will be enough.

The Message version of Matthew 6:34 says, “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”

It’s not easy by any means, but when life gets tough, let’s try to take it line by line, remembering that God is the author of our stories, and He has promised to make them good.

Praying Through Fear

Ever since he learned to talk, Jackson has been asking questions.

“Can we leave the Christmas tree up til my birthday?”

“Why doesn’t Panda Express have real pandas?”

“Can we have tacos for dinner every . . . single . . . night?”

Monday night, though, his questions took a more serious tone.

I was at the kitchen table trying to finish the yearbook and was quickly losing my patience because Jackson wouldn’t go back to his room and take a shower by himself. After going back and forth for five minutes over why I would not, in fact, go back to my room to sit on my bed and wait for him to get clean, Jackson finally confessed that the reason he always wants Alex or me with him is because he’s scared someone will be in the house, like the lump under his covers he thinks is his pillow will turn out to be a person waiting to grab him.

That tugged at my mama heart, y’all. After I went through all of the reasons why that scenario was highly unlikely and assured him he was safe, Jackson looked at me and asked:

“Mom, do you ever get scared at home?”

Uh-oh . . . I was in trouble.

See, my truthful answer would be, “All the time! Why do you think I sleep with my car keys and the wasp spray beside my bed when Daddy is out of town? And don’t get me started on my irrational paranoia around closed shower curtains.”

I wanted to be honest, but I also didn’t want to send him into a tizzy, so I just said, “Sure, sometimes.”

“Well, what do you do?”

That was a question I was better prepared to answer.

“Well, I do what I can do to stay safe, and then I pray for God to be my fortress and my shield.”

Jackson thought about it for a second, decided it sounded like a good idea, and headed down the hall to take a shower.

My answer was 100 percent true–I do pray for God to be my fortress and my shield. I take comfort envisioning myself in a stone castle that’s impenetrable to any sort of boogey man, thanks to God’s bubble of safety and protection. That mental picture helps me fall asleep.

As I thought about it, I realized it would probably be a good idea to have Jackson memorize that fortress and shield verse. That way, when he’s scared, he can recite it to himself. I figured it probably wouldn’t hurt for me to memorize it too. Might cut down on my reliance on Raid.

There’s just one problem . . . I’m not great at memorizing scripture.

It’s funny because recently someone complimented my book, saying I have “such a good command of the scriptures.” I had to laugh and confess that what I really have is a good command of the Google.

I always remember parts and pieces of scripture, but never the whole thing, and never, ever chapters and verses. So while I knew to pray for God to be my fortress and shield, and I knew those words were in a psalm, I had absolutely no idea which one. I had to Google all the key words to come up with Psalm 18:2: The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer, my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Hmmm . . . that’s a biggie. And what, pray tell, is a “horn of salvation” anyway? I wasn’t so sure either one of us was going to have much success memorizing this one.

While I may not be the best at getting entire verses to stick in my head, a little four-line rhyme is right up my ally. I think it has something to do with all the Shel Silverstein poems I read when I was younger. To this day, I can still recite There’s Too Many Kids in This Tub.

Taking all of that into consideration, I wrote the prayer below, in hopes that my boys can remember it when their fears are creeping in. It’s a prayer for them, but I’ve tucked it away in my heart too.  Because no matter how old we are, we all have fears. And while they may be vastly different, the way to conquer them remains the same: by trusting in God.

Dear God,

You are my fortress and my shield.

With your comfort, I am filled.

You protect me from my fear.

I’m thankful that you’re always near.

Amen

Keep On Keepin’ On

Do you ever stop and ask yourself, “Is anyone even listening to me?”

Please tell me you do.

As a teacher and as a mom, I ask myself this question at least once a day.

It usually involves a situation like this:

“Hey, Bud, didn’t I just ask you to sit down?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Then why are you still wandering around my room?”

Or a little something like this:

“Didn’t I just tell you to get off your brother?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Then why are you sitting on his head?”

In times like these, I wonder if I’ve lapsed into Chinese without knowing it. Or maybe Spanish. Or maybe the words got stuck inside my head and never even made it out of my mouth to begin with. Maybe I just imagined speaking out loud because surely, surely, my sweet students and children wouldn’t disregard my directions so completely.

I often get so frustrated, I want to throw in the towel and stop asking anyone to do anything. What’s the point if everyone is just going to ignore me, right?

Wrong.

A few years ago, a friend shared her family’s tradition of praying in the car on the way to school. She made it seem like a treasured, idyllic way to start the day. It made good sense to me since everybody would be fresh and (trapped) in one place, so I thought we’d give it a try. I pictured us like the von Trapps, matching clothes and smiling faces, enjoying a special time of bonding and togetherness.

It was not.

Jackson, my people-pleasing first born, was more than happy to join in the prayers, but Reeves? Reeves was not interested in the least. In fact, instead of praying, he barked.

Like a dog.

The entire time.

Needless to say, that wasn’t quite what I had in mind. I felt like an epic failure. I mean, seriously, what kind of mom can’t get her five year old to pray? My only consolation to this disheartening turn of events was that if God could understand the Holy Spirit’s groans in Romans 8:26, maybe He could understand Reeves’ barks too.

His barking continued for a few days, until finally, at my wits end, I told Reeves he didn’t have to pray, but he did have to be respectfully quiet.

That helped–a little. Instead of barking, Reeves switched to a low growl for a few days, and after that, he just sat in silence, staring out the window while Jackson and I said our prayers. I honestly didn’t even think he was listening to us.

So imagine my surprise one morning a few months later when we were almost to school, and I heard Reeves say, “Mom, we need to pray.”

I was so shocked, I almost ran off the road. The child who I thought wasn’t paying me any attention had actually been internalizing everything we were doing . . . and he wanted to keep doing it. I was blown away.

These days, if we make it to the baseball field without praying, Reeves is the one who reminds us we need to get started since we’re almost to school. His prayers are simple and heartfelt, and in those moments, I’m thankful I didn’t throw in the towel. In those moments, I’m reminded of 2 Chronicles 15:7, when the Spirit of God tells Asa: But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.

That’s the tricky thing about parenting . . . and teaching . . . and living life in general, really—we never know what people are listening to, what they’re picking up on, what words are making their way from the ears to the heart.

So let this be a word of encouragement for you today. Keep on keepin’ on, friend. Keep saying those prayers, keep speaking those truths, keep sowing those seeds. After all, we never know what will end up taking root and changing someone’s heart.

It’s Not Fantasy

A few weeks ago, my students were working on a current events assignment when we got into a heated discussion about all of the latest coaches getting hired and fired in the NFL.

At some point during the conversation, one of my students said, “Man, Mrs. Bryant, you know a lot about football for a . . . “

He immediately caught himself and kinda looked sideways at me, a little nervous about what would happen next.

I flashed him my best death stare and said, “Cameron Jones, I dare you to finish that sentence.”

Cam just shook his head and started laughing,

“Nah, nah, Mrs. Bryant. That’s all I was going to say. You know a lot about football.”

Smart kid. I’d hate to think what would have happened to him if he had put “for a girl” at the end of that thought.

And he’s right. I do know a good deal about football.

That would be because from August until February, all Alex, Jackson, and Reeves talk about is football, football, football, namely their fantasy team. If I didn’t know better, I’d think they owned a real team by the amount of time they spend debating player stats, free agency, and injuries. But no, no . . . it’s a complete fantasyland they live in.

As we waited for our food at Home Team BBQ two Sundays ago, Adam Thielen, a wide receiver for the Minnesota Vikings, popped up on the big screen, prompting Jackson to comment, “Hey, we had him on our fantasy team, but we had to trade him away.”

When I asked Jack why they traded Thielen, he shrugged and replied, “Well, after three games, he was only averaging two points per game for us, so we had to get rid of him.”

That seemed pretty harsh to my mama heart. After all, it’s not like the poor guy hadn’t gotten them any points at all. And who’s to say he wasn’t going to crush it the next week?

As I sat there feeling sorry for Adam Thielen (and a little taken aback by GM Jackson’s heartless flippancy), I realized that unlike fantasy players, I am really lucky: I’m part of a team I will belong to for life.

As Christians, we can take comfort knowing God will never kick us off His team or trade us away. If we make our best effort to follow Him, we’re always on His roster.

In Psalm 103, David writes: The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. For he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.

Thankfully, God doesn’t dismiss us when we underperform. Instead, He offers us love and grace, inviting us back into His huddle time and time again.

This same promise appears in the New Testament as well.

In Romans 8, Paul reiterates David’s message: And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord (38-39).

Both of these passages prove an important truth: We mean something to God. He is a God of second chances . . . and third and fourth if need be. He longs for a relationship with each one of us, and He will never just cast us aside. That’s a promise as current and real today as it was over 2,000 years ago.

So, my friends, take heart, knowing that God will keep you on His roster week after week, no matter how your season is going.

Lessons from Joe Mama

I will NEVER buy an Elf on the Shelf.

At least that’s what I would have told you four years ago.

For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why I’d intentionally torture myself trying to create all of these elf adventures when I was already exhausted from the holidays. Plus, shouldn’t my boys be good because it’s the right thing to do, not because an inanimate doll “watches” them? I mean, let’s be honest, that’s kinda creepy.

But then one night a friend with adult children started talking about all of her family’s wonderful elf memories and how she sometimes longs for the magic of childhood Christmas again, and much like the Grinch, my heart started to thaw as I reconsidered all of my elf-loathing.

Within 24 hours, I had purchased an elf. Granted, I still maintained the tiniest bit of cynicism about the whole thing, which is why I named our elf Joe. See, I figure in a few years, I can tell the boys, “Joe mama was the one moving that thing around at night.” What can I say—middle school humor is my jam.

Anyway, now that Joe has been with us for a few years, he’s grown on me and is truly one of the family. He’s like that long-distance cousin we only see around the holidays but talk about all year long.

A few days after Christmas this year, I was feeling a little down, and no joke, I realized it was because I missed Joe. Not so much the pressure to make him do fun things, mind you, but the feelings that came with him.

I missed waking up to the magic that Joe brought every morning. I missed watching the boys hunt for him, working together with giggles and awe. And I especially missed hearing them brainstorm how he must have gotten to his new location. To hear them tell it, Joe can do better stunts that Ethan Hunt in Mission Impossible.

Even when Joe didn’t move—and let’s face it, there was a time or two when he didn’t, thanks to some unsavory behavior—the boys still believed in his magic, promising Joe and us they’d be better behaved going forward.

I think that’s what I like most about Joe. He always offered the boys the chance of a fresh start. Yes, there were consequences for poor choices, but there was also the hope of forgiveness at the start of a new day.

What’s funny is that God does the same exact thing for us. Lamentations 3:22-23 tells us “because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

In a way, God is our very own Elf on the Shelf 365 days a year. (Bet you never thought you’d read that sentence!)

But think about it—every morning when we wake up, God is waiting for us, ready to help us face the day. The good news is we don’t have to look all over the place to find Him. That’s because “the Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing” (Zephaniah 3:17). God is always right here with us, no searching required. He wants us to delight in Him, and He wants to celebrate over us.

I hope all of us can begin waking up like the boys do with Joe, full of the same kind of excitement, wondering what blessings God has in store for us. Thankfully, we don’t have to worry about the past; God is focused on making things new. Even when we mess up, which is bound to happen, God stays close, longing to guide us down the right path (Isaiah 43:18-19).

So, whether you’re pro-elf or not so much, one thing remains true—God watches over each one of us with love and forgiveness all year long.

Call Me . . . Maybe?

“Get in the car, guys! We’re running late! Hurry! Hurry!”

That’s how July 30, 2021, started for us as Reeves, Brooks, and I scrambled to get in the car. We were heading to Asbury Hills to pick Jackson up from camp, and we were way behind schedule. I had loaded the boys into my trusty Pilot and was climbing into the front seat when my phone rang.

Now, as a general rule, I detest talking on the phone and avoid it whenever possible. My friends know this about me, and on more than one occasion, I’ve answered the phone to the words, “I know you don’t like talking on the phone, but this will just take a sec.” Answering the phone when I was already stressed from running late was totally out of character for me.

When I glanced down at the caller ID, I saw it was my friend Margaret, who likes to play fast and loose with my “Don’t call me, I’ll call you” rule anyway. I don’t know what possessed me, but I answered the phone, even though I was cranking my car and trying to hit the road. And, man, was I glad I did. Turned out, I was only trying to crank my car. My trusty Pilot was dead as a doornail. How were we going to get to Jackson?

In a panic, I relayed this untimely development to Margaret, and Margaret being Margaret, she immediately offered to let me borrow her car, a sweet Honda Odyssey van complete with a DVD player and push-button start–fancy! With self-closing doors, Jungle 2 Jungle on the big screen, and captain’s chairs, the boys were in heaven. Best.RoadTrip.Ever. To think, we would have missed out on all of the fun, not to mention picking up Jackson, if I hadn’t answered the phone.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the same thing with God. Am I ignoring his calls?

The short answer is yes. I have put him on hold and sent him to voicemail more than I’d like to admit. But that’s the great thing about God. He is, quite possibly, the most obnoxious and annoying telemarketer ever. He keeps on calling. Even when I try to ignore him because I’m too busy or too scared to talk, he doesn’t give up. He keeps calling. As Paul writes in I Thessalonians 5:24, “The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.” And aren’t we thankful that he is and he does? Imagine the blessings we wouldn’t experience if he never hit redial. The best part is we can have faith that if he calls, he will equip us with what we need to answer.

What is God calling you to do? Is it to take that first step or mend that relationship? Is it to reach out to an old friend or try something new? Is it to extend an invitation or put an idea into action? Whatever it is, let’s make a pact to answer when God calls us. It may be scary at first, and it may require us to step out of our comfort zones, but we may be pleasantly surprised by all the good things that follow when we pick up the phone, so to speak.

So, what are you waiting for? Your phone is ringing. Answer the call.

O-R-E-O

Peace and quiet is hard to come by in a house full of rough and tumble boys, so I take the “me time” I do get very seriously.

A few Sundays ago, I was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping my coffee and enjoying three blissful minutes of quiet when Jackson came bounding in, asking what he could have for breakfast. Frustrated that my moment of silence had been interrupted, I offhandedly said, “Whatever you can find.”

Famous. Last. Words.

Jackson looked at me with a twinkle in his eyes, promptly grabbed a bag of leftover soccer snack Oreos off the table, and dissolved into a fit of delighted giggles.

“Jackson! No! You can’t have Oreos for breakfast!”

He looked me dead in the eyes and said, “You said ‘whatever you can find.’ You have to be careful with your words, Mom.”

Then he scurried back to the den, no doubt to gloat over his breakfast of champions, never realizing how true his words were.

Because Jackson’s exactly right: we do have to be careful with our words, as they have the power to hurt and to heal. Thankfully, we have the opportunity to use our words for good every single day. Proverbs 16:24 tells us “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

The good news is it takes absolutely no money and not much time to be nice. It could be the friendly greeting offered to the Target cashier, an encouraging text to a friend, a verbal high five for a job well done, or a compliment on a social media post. We never know when our words will be the sweet spot in someone’s day.

One of my oldest friends avoided Oreos in high school because, as she said, “A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.” I think the same can be said about the power of gracious words–It only takes a moment to offer them, but their impact can last a lifetime.

***Quick Note: This post is part of a two-part series, so be sure to follow me on Instagram @laughsatfunerals so you don’t miss Part 2: Eating My Words.

WWJJD?

Nope, that’s not a typo. I will be the first to admit, my fat thumbs have been known to cause some crazy chaos in my texting, but that extra J is there for a reason. Here’s why . . .

My boys, they fight. A lot. And one of my biggest worries is that they will never learn to like each other, much less be friends with each other. Now, I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t actually know a whole lot about sibling relationships, seeing that I’m the only child of an only child. But seriously, the way my boys act can’t be normal. The amount of wrestling, yelling, and stomping that goes on at my house is unbelievable. It’s like WWE on steroids.

In a recent desperate moment, I knew I had to seek advice, so I did what a wise and respected Sunday school teacher, himself the father of two grown sons, told us to do in times of trouble– I turned to the Bible. And you wanna know what I found? Brother relationships that were way more dysfunctional than my boys’. I mean, let’s hope Jackson and Reeves never throw Big Boy Brooks Bryant into a pit, fake his death, and then sell him into slavery! I’m telling you, after reading about Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, and Joseph and his brothers, I was feeling pretty good about my parenting skills.

But I still needed some sage practical advice, so I turned to the next, most logical fount of male sibling knowledge . . . the NFL. You laugh, but the NFL is full of siblings, from players like the Mannings to coaches like the Harbaughs. My personal favorite group of siblings is the Watts–JJ, Derek, and TJ. Three brothers who like to tackle and have mega-watt smiles–sounds familiar to me.

I follow JJ Watt on Instagram, a fact Reeves has deemed “inappropriate” on more than one occasion. One weekend when I was really in the weeds of parenting three rough and tumble boys, JJ was using the question box feature in Instastories to give his followers the chance to ask him questions. I submitted mine without hesitation: “How did your mom encourage you and your brothers to get along?” (I also wanted to ask how his mom afforded to feed the three of them when they were in high school, but ultimately, I decided I might not actually want the answer, since I’m guessing it may involve selling a kidney on the black market.)

Anyway, I was soon rewarded for my celebrity fangirling as JJ responded to my question with these words of wisdom, “She locked us out of the house until it was dark.”

Now, some of you are nodding along, thinking, “Yep, that’s exactly what my mom did.” Some of you also did not grow up in Columbia in August. I’m sure being locked outside in Pewaukee, Wisconsin, on a balmy, 78-degree August day was delightful for the Watt boys, but I have a hard time believing that locking a three year old outside when the forecast is literally “hotter than the surface of the sun” is the best answer to my problem.

And honestly, I’ve tried it, and it doesn’t work. I just end up with three pitiful boys pounding on the door and whining to come inside . . . which I just realized may at least unify them in some sort of weird prisoners versus the warden kind of way.

So, I’m bringing my problem to you, friends. Surely there’s a sibling success story out there somewhere. What worked in your house? How did your parents encourage you and your siblings get along? Help a mama out! I would love nothing more than to hear your advice, and if it works, I promise to to fill in blank of What Would _______ Do? with your name.