Ever since he learned to talk, Jackson has been asking questions.
“Can we leave the Christmas tree up til my birthday?”
“Why doesn’t Panda Express have real pandas?”
“Can we have tacos for dinner every . . . single . . . night?”
Monday night, though, his questions took a more serious tone.
I was at the kitchen table trying to finish the yearbook and was quickly losing my patience because Jackson wouldn’t go back to his room and take a shower by himself. After going back and forth for five minutes over why I would not, in fact, go back to my room to sit on my bed and wait for him to get clean, Jackson finally confessed that the reason he always wants Alex or me with him is because he’s scared someone will be in the house, like the lump under his covers he thinks is his pillow will turn out to be a person waiting to grab him.
That tugged at my mama heart, y’all. After I went through all of the reasons why that scenario was highly unlikely and assured him he was safe, Jackson looked at me and asked:
“Mom, do you ever get scared at home?”
Uh-oh . . . I was in trouble.
See, my truthful answer would be, “All the time! Why do you think I sleep with my car keys and the wasp spray beside my bed when Daddy is out of town? And don’t get me started on my irrational paranoia around closed shower curtains.”
I wanted to be honest, but I also didn’t want to send him into a tizzy, so I just said, “Sure, sometimes.”
“Well, what do you do?”
That was a question I was better prepared to answer.
“Well, I do what I can do to stay safe, and then I pray for God to be my fortress and my shield.”
Jackson thought about it for a second, decided it sounded like a good idea, and headed down the hall to take a shower.
My answer was 100 percent true–I do pray for God to be my fortress and my shield. I take comfort envisioning myself in a stone castle that’s impenetrable to any sort of boogey man, thanks to God’s bubble of safety and protection. That mental picture helps me fall asleep.
As I thought about it, I realized it would probably be a good idea to have Jackson memorize that fortress and shield verse. That way, when he’s scared, he can recite it to himself. I figured it probably wouldn’t hurt for me to memorize it too. Might cut down on my reliance on Raid.
There’s just one problem . . . I’m not great at memorizing scripture.
It’s funny because recently someone complimented my book, saying I have “such a good command of the scriptures.” I had to laugh and confess that what I really have is a good command of the Google.
I always remember parts and pieces of scripture, but never the whole thing, and never, ever chapters and verses. So while I knew to pray for God to be my fortress and shield, and I knew those words were in a psalm, I had absolutely no idea which one. I had to Google all the key words to come up with Psalm 18:2: The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer, my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Hmmm . . . that’s a biggie. And what, pray tell, is a “horn of salvation” anyway? I wasn’t so sure either one of us was going to have much success memorizing this one.
While I may not be the best at getting entire verses to stick in my head, a little four-line rhyme is right up my ally. I think it has something to do with all the Shel Silverstein poems I read when I was younger. To this day, I can still recite There’s Too Many Kids in This Tub.
Taking all of that into consideration, I wrote the prayer below, in hopes that my boys can remember it when their fears are creeping in. It’s a prayer for them, but I’ve tucked it away in my heart too. Because no matter how old we are, we all have fears. And while they may be vastly different, the way to conquer them remains the same: by trusting in God.
Dear God,
You are my fortress and my shield.
With your comfort, I am filled.
You protect me from my fear.
I’m thankful that you’re always near.
Amen